Potty Training

Warning: This post will have graphic accounts of bodily functions. You are forewarned.

So, you may or may not know that I've been pretty much dragging my feet on this potty training thing. It scares me. Several times Jed has seemed ready, but mom sure the heck hasn't been so nothing has happened. I've watched all my friends potty training their younger, willing, third-child daughters who pretty much do it all themselves, and felt absolutely no desire to potty train my own "sit in his poop til it oozes out all over" "NO, MOM, I'm CLEAN" man-child.

Recently, though, he's started peeing out of his disposables at night and that's just gross so I knew the time was coming. Monday, Jed took things into his own hands. He informed me that he wanted to go pee. Rather lazily thinking to myself that I still haven't bothered to pick up those stickers I "needed" before we really started potty training, I said "so go." "No, Mom, in the potty."
I looked up in surprise. "Oh. OK, uh, let's go."

So we did. And after some cajoling, running of water, and book reading, he went! With the obligatory celebration, and a few chocolate chips, he was thinking this pee pee thing was pretty darn awesome. Back onto the pot he went, and I figured that if we were going to do this we were REALLY going to do this. I gathered my supplies: a few crumpled sheets of leftover "I love primary" stickers from an activity I threw last year (Jed is sticker-deprived enough that any ol' sticker is thrilling at this point), a marker and piece of cardstock to create a fancy-shmancy potty chart that says "Jed's Potty Chart" in uneven letters over a crudely drawn grid, and a few handfuls of chocolate chips. We were in business.

I grabbed the kiddie toilet seat that Michael hasn't had time to install and got a handful of tools from the basement. Yes, now going to the potty also included destruction (and I mean that literally... only after using excessive physical force ripping the old lid off did I figure out how easy they are to properly remove), and TOOLS! Wow, going to the potty really is thrilling! Especially when I get to hold Dad's screwdriver! The rest of the morning was a series of frequent fake outs (I did it mom! No you didn't.) interspersed with enthusiastic cheering when WE ACTUALLY DID IT!

Finally after five hours Jed asked "Mom, can I have a diaper now?" and feeling rather exhausted of potty training myself I happily agreed. We diapered him up and headed upstairs for lunch.

Today was potty training round two. I figured out at some point on Monday that the key really is being completely bare naked. It's easy to pee in Thomas the Train underpants no matter how many times mom stresses that Thomas really really really hates to be wet. But having pee running down your legs and spattering all over mom's carpet really does catch the attention. Today he was over on the far side of the basement while I exercised near his little red potty. "MOM! I'm peeing!" he shouted in alarm. "Run, Jed! Run to the potty!" Boy did he run but the poor kid, by the time he got himself situated, didn't even get a single drop in the potty which was extremely disappointing for all of us, especially mom when she went to investigated and realized that a running, peeing little boy makes for a whole lot of, um, bouncy spray for lack of a better term. What a mess! (Or as Jed would put it, a big ol' messy mess.)

Mothering sure is an education. Never as a daydreaming youth did I picture myself sitting in front of a toilet for hours on end thinking "This is really all I have to do today. Just sit here and verify the pee." Not glamorous, but at least there are plenty of chocolate chips.