Num-nums Time!

Of late, I have made a shocking discovery. I don't have a baby boy--I have a piglet.

Those who know Jed won't be surprised. Grunting and snorting and letting loose huge, noxious farts--common public events with my little darling--seem a normal "man-child" sort of thing to do. Not until you see him feeding, however, will you be convinced. You don't even need to see him feeding, actually. All you need to do is be near enough to HEAR him nurse.

He lets Mom know that it's "num-nums time" by a series of grunts and the occasional demanding squawk. These hunger calls quickly escalate if not paid immediate and total attention into a loud cry of pure suffering, as if his cold, cruel, thoughtless mother was driving hot spikes beneath his poor innocent nails. Fortunately, the suffering is ameliorated by the sight of his beloved momma's breast. His eyes widen, breath quickens into hyperventilation, and he begins straining in anticipation and desire... food, at last!

Latching on for my child takes on the glow of pure art. First, joyfully rubbing face in the food source. Then he begins grunting, banging his head against the breast, frantic for the food to come but for some reason all I'm getting, Mom, is my hand which I've put in the way and it's driving me craaaaaaaazzzzzzyyyyy! Soon, he accompanies the head banging with flailing arms, wildly kicking legs, spurting milk coating his entire face, and wails of anguish. The num-nums! The num-nums! Why, oh why, do they not appear!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mom, meanwhile, attempts to hold all body parts down while getting the kid to latch on. At last, success. Baby latches on and sucks thirstily, mom mops up the mess with whatever she's got in reach. Settling into his meal, Baby is happy. He puts one arm above, one below, reaching over his head, and happily scrunches his hands, grabbing whatever is in sight. Feet at the other end kick in rhythm. Munch munch munch. No doubt that this boy enjoys his meal--gulping, sucking noises testify that momma's milk is the BEST! Grunting, gulping, gasping, he emerges from the food source with a sigh of pure pleasure, head flung back, milk dripping down his cheeks and chin and pooling into his neck. Aahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

Laid back across my lap, bliss written across his face, my little piglet sleeps.